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How To Love And Deal With An Avoidant Partner
Attachment theory describes how you act and interact with romantic partners within relationships. There are four documented attachment styles, all formed at childhood from the child’s relationship with their primary giver caregiver.
In a 1970’s “a strange situation” study, children were left alone in a room with a stranger.
Children that fit into the insecure-avoidant classification did not react when the caregiver left. Instead of expressing any emotion at all, the child would play independently or interact with a stranger. When the caregiver returned to the room, the child would either totally ignore or minimally interact with the caregiver.
Psychologist, Mary Ainsworth, theorized by not showing any emotion, the child was instead masking his or her distress. She went on to say, the child felt it pointless to communicate their needs to their caregiver, as it seemingly had no effect. From childhood, these children learned that being attached or vulnerable leads to hurt and disappointment; a threat to his or her survival.
Those that grow up with an avoidant attachment style are fearful and suspicious of people and relationships. Romantic relationships in particular, make avoidants feel stifled and they are often described as cold and distant towards their partners, withholding love and affection.
How To Spot An Avoidant Attachment Style
They Send Mixed Signals
Avoidants don’t really know what they want. Your partner may withhold attention and affection from you, have trouble saying the “L” word or demand they live alone. In reality, avoidants tend to push people away, yet end up missing them. Avoidants also tend to overthink a relationship after it ends, yet are never able to come up with reasons why.
They Devalue You
Avoidants have impossibly high standards no one will ever meet. They have an unhealthy habit of idealizing a past partner than unfairly comparing all other partners afterwards. Avoidants fear losing independence by being entrapped by an imperfect partner. They can easily find fault with you because childhood taught them people will always disappoint you. Watch out for signs of…
