Image by Tahmid Imran Imon from Pixabay
Image by Tahmid Imran Imon from Pixabay
Image by Tahmid Imran Imon from Pixabay

My Ex Communicates With My Family And It Fucking Kills Me

My mom really liked my ex.

Before we became official they were Facebook friends. When we started dating, she added him to her phone as “SIL” (son-in-law).

Unlike my exes before him, he would be invited on family vacations and given gifts at holidays. One of my mom’s favourite jokes was how she liked him better than me and one day she’d find him a nice girl.

When I broke up with him 3 years in, my mom cried. I packed my things and moved back in with her. She questioned my decision at first.Then notes started popping up around the house scrawled on toilet paper rolls saying things like “you never know what you’ve got till it’s gone”. Etc…

Two months after I’d left him and about a month after he’d met someone else, I was in the kitchen making something to eat when I noticed a text flash across my mom’s phone. It was from my ex.

Against my better judgement, I opened her phone and read the messages. It turned out they had gone back-and-forth for some time. The topic: me. My ex was even asking her to pass messages along to me, which thankfully, she didn’t.

Ending a serious relationship was the hardest thing I’d done in my life. I’m determined to forget my ex and move on. So why was my mom still carrying on a relationship with him?

3 Reasons Why Your Ex Still Talks To Your Family

  1. They’re still hung up on you. Contacting your family could be a way to indirectly relay messages to you. If you’re no contact, they could be feeling regret or uncertainty. Perhaps they’re trying to reach out in hopes of rekindling the relationship.
  2. They’re playing games. If you’ve ever noticed manipulative qualities about your ex, perhaps they could be trying to push their own narrative in hopes of hurting you. It could be a means of trying to stay in your life, albeit rather desperately.
  3. Your ex made a genuine connection with your family. In this case, your family may have become a support system for your ex. Maybe your ex is simply trying to process and heal from the breakup and reaching out to the support system they once had.

Why It Hurts When You Reach Out And Talk To My Family

It prevents healing. Talking to your ex’s family tempts you to ask about how your ex is doing and if they’re dating again. Hearing what they’re doing without you hurts, keeps them top of mind and prevents you from moving on.

Family will always side with family. Like they say, blood is thicker than water. I’m not saying to choose sides but the relationship with your ex’s family stemmed from their relationship with you. Unless they’ve legally adopted you and have the paperwork to prove it, your relationship with them is over.

It’s painful for those involved in the breakup. Breakups fucking hurt. Recovering from heartbreak is like recovering from open-heart surgery. If someone in your family is still building a relationship with an ex, it’s like developing an infection post-op. Instead of the healing, the wound festers below the surface, slowing your recovery and risking your health.

After a Breakup Should I Cut Ties With My Ex-Family?

In most cases, you should.

It’s a good thing you can feel love for your in-laws and it’s wonderful when they love you back. Ceasing contact entirely is not always possible, especially if there are children involved. In most cases, it makes sense to stop communicating with your ex’s family altogether.

If you have a loved one who is still talking to your ex and it bothers you, they likely don’t understand it hurts and is delaying your healing. The only way to stop their contact is to explain the hurt and why the communication needs to end asap.

Horrible at relationships, so I write about them on the internet. Come on baby, make it hurt so good. hello@stephjouppien.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store